


A mother’s love

by wintergalaxy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anti Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Dies, Don't Like Don't Read, Families of Choice, Gen, Not Kylo Friendly, Spitefic, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, That's Not How The Force Works, and it feels so good, because i hate him, cry about it, except she still dies it's just who she saves that changes, except the MOVIE seems to suddenly think that's how it works soooooo, since apparently y'all didn't get the memo from the other tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21878725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintergalaxy/pseuds/wintergalaxy
Summary: If Leia had saved Rey instead.
Relationships: Leia Organa & Rey
Comments: 16
Kudos: 90





	A mother’s love

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched the movie but it was very fast-paced and my memory is unreliable anyway, so I’m sorry if I messed up some details.

Leia knew what she had to do.

She could feel them in the Force. The man who had once been her son, and the woman who was now as close as a daughter. Symmetrical. Her, with her bright, brilliant supernova that drowned out her dark origins. Him, with his swirling maelstrom of rage and darkness, obscuring the light that had once nurtured him.

Both fading. Both dying.

And Leia only had one life to give.

The others were staring, she knew—one did not need to have the Force to see their confusion at the way she had abruptly frozen in the middle of war operations—but she ignored them, heading inside the base for somewhere more secluded. Somewhere no one would interrupt before her task could be completed.

The interior of the base was unnaturally empty, even with their skeletal numbers. The entirety of Resistance forces was outside or en route to Exegol. This was their eleventh hour, but if she did not save one of them to defeat the former Emperor, the battle would be for nothing. It had to be now.

Because it was so deserted, Leia quickly found the ideal spot, as she knew she would. It was a dingy storage room with only a single long table inside. All the munitions once stacked atop it were now gone to be used in this final assault.

She approached slowly, perhaps slower than was prudent, staring down at its surface and steeling herself for the briefest of moments. Then, she lay down on it and shut her eyes.

With one last sigh, she gave in to the rising exhaustion, and plunged into the depths of meditative trance, her mind reaching out to the rest of the galaxy for her children.

It was not hard to locate their minds, even in the depths of the Unknown Regions on a Sith nexus planet. Their pain sang to her in the bonds she shared with them both. She reached out further, trying to grasp one.

Only a single fraying string of memory remained of her son’s. Dangerously close to snapping, with tendrils of darkness reaching up to pull it. Even now, his anger permeated his every weakened heartbeat. His intentions no longer meant murder, no longer spoke of the rage of _Kylo_ and more the quiet anger of _Ben_ who had once stared up at her with those sullen eyes. Yet the string was fraying further, breaking, moments away from snapping as his emotions toward Palpatine rose to a deadly crescendo. It would take years to mend before she could ever even hope to send him her Life Force.

And suddenly Leia knew with decisive finality, before she even began the debate between him and Rey. She could not save him. He had turned, but not before spending the last of her luxury: time. It was too late to fix. And, frankly, he deserved what she was about to do next. She hadn’t had a son in years, if she’d ever had one at all.

With all the strength of will she had left, Leia forced herself to turn away, leaving their bond to languish. Her son was already dead, and saving the monster wearing his skin would do nothing but absolve him of his crimes.

He felt it immediately. The sharp wound of betrayal raced across the universe of space between both their bodies and minds, and with a _snap_ that sent pain to her mind like the sharp swipe of a knife against skin, the last remnant of their connection was severed. The loss of him was not unlike when she had lost Han, and then when she had lost Luke—a fact which made it twist deep in her soul, because he had been responsible for those cuts, had he not? He had destroyed what they once were, and he was not even truly sorry. How had a child she raised turned out so cruel?

Leia’s end came spiraling back to her in a rush of memories, flashes of his childhood with Life Days and the first time he held a lightsaber and echoes of smiles and—_no_. He had made his choices. He had killed his own father and uncle, massacred his classmates, participated in the immolation of entire planets despite _knowing _what happened to Alderaan, and now, when she could help him, there was no time. There would never be time, not ever again. She was surprisingly at peace with it. He had been an adult when he’d killed all those things she and Han and Luke had dedicated their lives to, and he would face the consequences. Just as her biological father once had.

She loved him, somewhere. In a disconnected, bitter way. Some part of her would always love him, her only son, whom she had carried and loved with everything she had. But Leia had always been strong, practical, angry, and uncompromising. She couldn’t help but wonder how different—how much _happier_—her life might have been if she’d never had him. Or if she’d had other children.

And so she continued to turn, instead taking in the sight of the bond she shared with her student, her pseudo-Padawan, her near-daughter. With this wonderful girl. It was the very antithesis of what she had just been faced with from the void that claimed to have once been her son, an intricate network of crisscrossing attachments, a weave of memories and strengths and smiles and hugs and maternal pats on the shoulder. Over and over, Rey had reinforced and strengthened the bond, both intentionally and not, clutching every word of praise Leia had ever given her to her desert-hardened heart and holding on for dear life. Pure, blinding love shone in the Force between them, even as Rey began to fade.

Leia’s heart constricted at the sight of it. She sent a responding flood of emotions back, punctuated with an image of their last hug. She imagined herself doing so again one last time as hard as she possibly could. Every emotion she’d ever felt about this girl since she’d learned of her existence, she sent to her. She held nothing back. If this was to be her last moments, Leia needed Rey to know she was loved. She was so loved.

Rey began to stir feebly. The sheer force of Leia’s relief momentarily overwhelmed her, and she had to pause and regroup herself.

And with that, Leia realized something else.

Even if she could have saved her son, she probably would have chosen her daughter anyway.

The world could not lose Rey, but most of all, she could not lose Rey. She would not see her die. Would not let her. The rest of them may have lived unhappily and died prematurely, but Rey was still young. Leia would give her the chance to save them all, but also a chance at the life she deserved, and had been denied by her childhood.

“May the Force be with you,” she whispered, as the last of her strength left her.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to balance how I don't believe Kylo deserved redemption (and how there’s no way _Leia "never ever forgave Darth Vader" Organa, **Leia "no more Alderaans" Organa**_ would believe so, either) with the way I believe Leia/anyone's mother would act in this situation. Not sure it came across but I wrote this in an hour when I was having a lot of Leia emotions.
> 
> Even as someone who violently hates Kylo, I do understand why Leia saved her son. I just also like to think about how close Master-Padawan relationships can be as well. Some of them have got that found family element that this movie later fully capitalizes on anyway. With a year training under Leia, and literally calling her master, I believe feral desert child Rey, who had never had a parental figure before (except Han, for like a day) would see her like a mom. Even if by the Sequel era there isn't really such thing as Master-Padawan relationships, the closeness cannot be denied.
> 
> Leia's death really upset me; this is one of the ways I'm dealing.


End file.
